My Daughter

I am fifty years old and I have a five year old daughter named Victoria. Her mother is Mexican. Victoria was a surprise and I thought that I would just die thinking about having another child at this age. I have Three boys that are grown. I wanted to have a life free of my children. I didn't want to be tied down again. You know the routine of having to get a sitter every time you need to do something or want to do something and you can't take the kid with you. Or you just want some time away from the house. I don't know how I felt when I found out that my wife was prenant. I guess it is like when you find out you won the lottery and you can't find the ticket. Maybe that is how I felt. She is my little girl though and I was in for a whole new experience since I had never raised a girl. It has been the best expeience of my life.
 
Little girls are quite different. My boys were, well they were boys. if you know what I mean. Always playing rough and tumble. Never really affectionate, but loving in a different kind of way. They were always playing with frogs and bugs. Playing ball. Just boy things. I found that these things are really genetic because Victoria has no desire to play with frogs or bugs. She is scared to death of them. My boys never got into my wifes makeup and we had to hide it from Victoria. She is all female. Pretty and smart. Very feminine. It is strange to see the differences.

I had no problem punishing the boys when they did something wrong, but with Victoria I just can't bring myself to do it. I do give her time out but that is as far as I can go. When she looks at me with those big green eyes and says, "I'm sorry daddy. I won't do it again. Please don't punish me.", it just melts my heart. She will come to me out of the blue and say, "I love you daddy." and give me a great big kiss or come sit beside me in my great big chair and just hold me. At that moment there is nothing wrong in the world. All my worries just dissappear.

I will be sending her home to her mother soon and I will be alone again. I have divorced her mother because she is violent and hurtful. I hope that this doesn't happen to my Victoria. She is perfect. She is me in a female body without all the adult failings. She is my heart. She is my soul. She is all the things that I want to express that I have never been able to because I am a man.